I am not crazy or unstable. I was abused. I am a survivor of Domestic violence.
The end of my marriage wasn't a failure. Leaving my abusive husband was the greatest victory of my life.
Though technology has advanced itself, it's a fact that people still have a shady impression of "divorce" and woman who decides to leave the marriage ( for whatever reason ).
It's sad to see so many women staying in unhappy marriages, of which many had legit reasons to leave.
A video footage of Ray rice knocking out his wife with a punch was leaked to the media. It was disturbing and heart-wrenching to his football fans. His act has caused him his job - being suspended indefinitely by NFL and also fired by the Baltimore Ravens. The attached link below shows the video footage.
So then why do people stay? ( Many people would ponder over this seems like an easy theoretical question )
The tweet by Beverley Gooden was a response to why she stayed in the marriage despite being abused by her husband Ray rice.
The only good thing about the Ray rice NFL scandal was that it has shed some light on domestic violence. People started coming out to talk about it and stopped feeling ashamed for being survivors.
(Screenshot taken from: https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/4366332/Why%20they%20Tweeted.pdf)
I wished more women out there to stop feeling ashamed for "saying NO" to violence and have the courage to step out of it.
As a survivor, I can say that it is really the toughest decision...
Especially when you are bound by the grounds of religion, children, finances and many other factors.
The fear of the unknown is so overwhelming and not everyone has the courage to step out of their comfort zone. Though the "comfort zone" is no longer safe, it still felt safer as it was a familiar environment.
It is such a delight to see organizations advocating for the rights of women and also victims who are still trapped in abusive marriages / relationships.
The recent phenomenal hand signal has successfully helped some of the abused victims even though they couldn't ask for help directly due to the circumstances they were living in.
According to an article published by CNA, it has acknowledged the increase numbers in domestic violence avid the COVID-19 situation. As such, MSF has stepped in to provide a 24-hour emergency hotline to counter with such rising numbers.
Check out the article below:
It is getting more common for women to get abused, amidst of the stress that Covid-19 has given to all of us. However, it is never a reasonable or acceptable reason to be violent towards anyone.
Nobody wants a divorce. Everyone who has said the marriage vows want things to work out, but if all has been said and done.... And even the last thread of hope was cut off by the violence of the spouse, it is only rightful for the other party to leave the marriage.
Check out the link below for more information on Divorce.
Since we are on this topic of family violence, in Singapore the abused victims can file for a Personal Protection Order to ensure the safety of the abused.
Check out the link: https://www.aware.org.sg/information/dealing-with-family-violence/getting-a-personal-protection-order/
A recent chat with a sister from church breaks my heart, knowing another family is breaking apart due to the father's violent and abusive acts. The abused mother, with 3 young children were physically abused by the husband who should be the leader in the household turns out to be the creating havoc in their lives.
I felt very helpless as I could do nothing but to pray for this family and for the abused.
Ending off with this chinese song that I could relate to. The lyrics touched me a lot.
作曲 : JerryC
作词 : 吴易纬
追逐眼前 不断消失的背影
我触不到的距离
毫无保留 以为就能感动你
原来 差距像天地
我喜欢你 也喜欢我的机率
误差会有几厘米
爱不是谁够努力 就值得被珍惜
可我 总学不会放弃
我是真的想 一辈子 赖在你身旁
可是你的步伐 快到我 已经追不上
倘若是我 拖累你翱翔
愿从你 生命彻底被遗忘
我是真的想 独占你 不跟谁分享
可是我真的傻 才害你 黯淡了光芒
别担心我 是我不够好
你要找到比我 更爱你的人 爱你
她走向你 天造地设的美景
让我寂寞到透明
用尽全力喜欢你 越是弄疼爱情
真心 祝福你能幸福
我是真的想 一辈子 赖在你身旁
可是你的步伐 快到我 已经追不上
倘若是我 拖累你翱翔
愿从你 生命彻底被遗忘
我是真的想 独占你 不跟谁分享
可是我真的傻 才害你 黯淡了光芒
感谢是你 美好了回忆
你要找到比我 更爱你的人 爱你
我喜欢你 也喜欢我的机率
误差会有几厘米 Mm~
(highlighting those lyrics that speaks to me)
It was never a rash decision for me to leave the marriage, especially when he was a man I used to love. Before I left him, I cried silently and hoped that he could find someone else who would love him more than I do.
I would strongly encourage everyone to keep an open mind, have empathy and show love to all who is going through difficult times in their relationships... You really never know you might be able to save their lives by just being a listening ear. Because truth is, as much as love is great, it can hurt as much too.
Till then,
XX
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