According to the author of "How to fix a broken heart", the reason for the pain is because love is like a drug and the person we are connected to in the relationship is the "substance". Over time, we get used to this "substance". Thus the exit of this person from our lives have impacted us a lot - leaving us feeling depressed and acting out of character for a while...
In addition, a relationship requires both party to blend into each others' lives. The blending has allowed both parties to intersect with one another's future plans and compromises that comes with those plans. It's never easy to suddenly withdraw from such great commitment.
It's inevitable that one feels more distraught after the breakup especially if it has the potential to last. The more effort that was invested in the relationship, the tougher it is to get out of it without feeling devastated. Therefore, a breakup at this stage would hit us harder as compared to other relationships we had that wasn't so serious and committed.
Other factors that mount up to the devastation that follows after breakup could be "cheating". The party being cheated on has to face the trauma of being betrayed. This heartbreak could impact the future relationships that one is going into. Betrayal is one of the most heartbreaking events, in the case of a romantic relationship... It's entirely intolerable to see someone you loved dearly to decide to love someone else instead of you suddenly. The trust built over the years just crashed down like that. It feels as though your life has crumbled. The trust input in your other half can be easily torn apart with one conscious decision made by the other party. It's never easy to come to terms to the fact that the other party has already painfully shattered your trust for them.
Grief sets in when the brain finally come to terms that the person is gone for good. The brain associates that the person is never coming back and will stop producing the "feel-good hormones" that would be released every time you meet your lover. This leads to us feeling sick in the stomach and causes us to make non-logical decisions such as running after the "other-half" that has left you for good even though he has already proven himself as a mismatch.
As such, just by looking at the ex's photo is enough to make you crumble and weep. The brain actually associate that with actual pain that is called "Broken heart syndrome".
It hurts, because it is also a form of loss. Although the person is still alive, they have indeed left our lives for good. This departure for us is also considered as a form of departure. We have lost someone whom we had dreams with, someone we thought would be our future spouse and someone whom we can build our lives together. Grief is a form of emotional suffering everyone feels when their loved ones are being taken away. The pain of grief could also affect one's physical health and overall mental health wellness. Some of us may even lose appetite and lose the ability to sleep or eat.
In my opinion, the reason why it would hurt so much is because of the efforts that were placed in the relationship and the hopes that it would work out.
Let it hurt, let it heal and let it go.
Sharing a chinese song that relates to a breakup.
Lyrics:
别堆砌怀念让剧情 变得狗血
深爱了多年又何必 毁了经典
都已成年不拖不欠
浪费时间是我情愿
像谢幕的演员 眼看着灯光熄灭
来不及 再轰轰烈烈
就保留 告别的尊严
我爱你不后悔 也尊重故事结尾
分手应该体面 谁都不要说抱歉
何来亏欠 我敢给就敢心碎
镜头前面是从前的我们 在喝彩
流着泪声嘶力竭
离开也很体面 才没辜负这些年
爱得热烈 认真付出的画面
别让执念 毁掉了昨天
我爱过你 俐落干脆
(Will be sharing on some tips to get over a breakup in the next post).
Stay tuned!
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