The recent divorce saga of Wang Lee Hom and his ex-wife Lee Jing Lei has left many netizens in rage, if not confused. Wang was known as a family man, he had a good image for many years. The news was very shocking indeed. 8 years of marriage, 3 children... and the marriage dissolved because of infidelity.
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It's disturbing to see famous artists not setting correct moral standards as a role model for the people who adore them. After big stars like Show Luo got exposed of his 9 years continuous cheating on his girlfriend... tables have turned. The image these male artists have tried to curate over the past decade or so simply vanished within minutes after the accusations reports were made known to the public.
So, why do they cheat? 9 years of relationship... and the other was a legally married couple with 3 children. Let's take time today to view "cheating" from different perspectives. Though we do know that it wouldn't reduce the pain it has caused for those who were hurt...
According to the article published by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, she claimed that love is not just an emotion but a drive. "The drive is more powerful than sex drive", she said in a TED talk. (Burgemeester, 2021)
Helen also explained the drives that we have that cause us to experience the feelings of love. They are sex drive, romantic love drive and attachment drive. Of which, attachment drive refers to the drive where one wants to settle down and is looking for someone she can have a child together with.
Helen concluded that this is the reason why it is "physiologically" possible to love more than one person at the same time because we are primitively driven by these 3 drives and each encounter could be with different person.
Although this does not shake up our stand towards cheating ( which is a no-no ), it is true that we can be in love with our partner yet still cheat on them.
There are many reasons that contribute to the cheater acting this way. Below are some of the reasons:
1. Reduced Intimacy / needs left unmet
Many times in dramas, we always foresee that the couple will end in a breakup when we see that one party has needs that wasn't met. Eg. Sexual needs. It could be due to many reasons or different phase of life. For instance, one contributing factors to newly weds with a new born baby onboard to file for divorce as the husband had an extra-marital affair with another woman would be the "unintentional neglect" of the wife and also the reduced intimacy. The wife needs the time to care for the newborn, which can be really exhausting as she takes up the new role of being a mother, she hardly has time for herself or to rest properly. If the couple fails to communicate, or try to negotiate ways to work it out ( Eg. Get a part time nanny to care for the kid whilst the couple has some time off to spend with each other ).
The marriage vows were not said in a haste, it was a lifetime promise. Nobody guaranteed that it was going to be easy, it might even be very tough as both parties sail through different phases of life together. Thus, many often describe marriage as a lifetime commitment to someone that no matter what happens, they will make the conscious choice not to give up on the other and to carry on to work it out.
2. The circumstances allow it to happen naturally.
Whilst it wasn't unfamiliar that the showbiz industry has a higher percentage of artists being involved in many scandals, it also contributes to the probability of the chance for it to happen. The opportunities that lay around for the artists to get together with one another are higher and given that most of them are quite attractive in terms of looks, it's not surprising that they would be attracted to one another in their workplaces. Such opportunities allow the parties involved to progress the relationship further, despite being in a relationship or legally married to someone else.
3. Low self-esteem issues
In the recent saga of Wang and Lee, Lee claimed that Wang has issues about his low self-esteem and should work on them instead of seeking validation from others. Having low self-esteem constantly would in turn motivate the person to seek validation from others so that they can feel better about themselves. Though it's sad to hear that one have to resort to such measures to fill up their low self-esteem, it is very common nowadays for people to engage in a lot of improper relationships just to fill up their empty voids in their hearts.
The recent statistics from the MSF website is concerning as it reveals that the numbers of divorce cases have risen over the past few years ( especially for those who were married for 5-10 years ).
Rock-solid marriages like Bill and Melinda Gates have also come to an end recently, with the couple going their separate ways. Such shocking news brought us to question why do "decoupling" happens so often nowadays?
One of my favorite cartoon love story is this: Carl and Ellie’s love story.
To all my readers, whatever stage of a relationship you happen to be in—whether you’re married, dating or single— I wish you this kind of love.
A chinese song to share:
陈粒
奇妙能力歌
作词：陈粒
作曲：陈粒
我看过沙漠下暴雨
看过大海亲吻鲨鱼
看过黄昏追逐黎明
没看过你
我知道美丽会老去
生命之外还有生命
我知道风里有诗句
不知道你
我听过荒芜变成热闹
听过尘埃掩埋城堡
听过天空拒绝飞鸟
没听过你
我明白眼前都是气泡
安静的才是苦口良药
明白什么才让我骄傲
不明白你
我拒绝更好更圆的月亮
拒绝未知的疯狂
拒绝声色的张扬
不拒绝你
我变成荒凉的景象
变成无所谓的模样
Merry X'Mas. No matter what circumstances you are in, how badly damaged you think you are... Never forget that there is this One God that loves you no matter what. Never underestimate His unconditional love and how it can turn your world around if you choose to believe in Him. Invite the Lord to your hearts, your sins are forgiven and you will experience the peace that this world can never offer you. A peace that can give you courage to sail through the tough times in life.
Shalom.
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