It's questionable when one would regard the loss of living human as something less painful than to mourn over someone who have passed on.
In my opinion, any relationship that was formed and took time to build definitely used to be the focal point of our lives.
Fact is, most of us find it difficult to cope with the loss. It could be an end to any connection we had with another human - lost contact to a friend who used to be contactable everyday, breakups and even divorce.
All of these certainly mounts up to a certain degree of loss and inevitably cause us to feel sad.
In the recent Netflix Original Series that aired the Season 2, it was heart wrenching to see the married couple Cooper & Billie came to dissolve their 9 year long marriage. The couple in the series married years ago and went through different seasons of life together.
They have two young children and each time the couple recollects their memories, it brought up a lot of sadness and hurts.
The scene where Billie had an encounter with Cooper after he was involved in a car accident... was really hard to watch. The couple had so much together. Their flashback memory to their wedding and vows certainly brought back tears in Billie. It was especially difficult for her as it also involved their two young children.
Prior to the official divorce, Billie tried to sort things out with Cooper to make the marriage work. However, it wasn't a successful attempt. Cooper was unwilling to talk about it and refused to see the marriage counsellor with her.
Things took a nasty turn when Cooper found out about Billie's meetup with her former boyfriend. Cooper decided that it was all done.
The couple was seen hugging and comforting each other after Cooper got crashed in the car accident. Billie reached out to him and offered him a hug. It was heartwarming to see two grown-ups able to put their permanent separation as wife and husband aside... and just be there for one another.
It's such a pity that things couldn't work out between Cooper and Billie. Both of them were equally affected by the divorce.
In reality, this kind of situation is very common in many households. Few married couples these days would strive to stay together in difficult times. Could it be that there are really too much stressors from external factors that the couple no longer have additional energy to make things work?
I believe in marriage and I believe that things can work out between two consenting parties. It's just a lot of work at the backend.
The loss of a living spouse through the formal procedure divorce can hurt so much. The grieving process shouldn't be taken lightly. Yet not many could show empathize with those who just had a divorce - whether it was due to small reasons or big ones like infidelity and domestic violence.
The matter of fact is that two person really fell in love with each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives building a family together. At the moment when they have exchanged the vows, it was genuine and really what they wanted for themselves.
Therefore, it's not realistic to say that one would be unaffected by the divorce.
Grieving has many stages and everyone has their own coping mechanisms. It doesn't mean that one day you have reached the acceptance stage and it's end of the process of grieving. You could be accepting of it one day, but go back to the denial stage the following day.
Because each day we will still continue on with our lives and unpredicted things can come up our way that remind us that we used to be legally officially attached to another human being who could also be the father of your children.
The part about the offspring really makes it extra realistic that all they used to have was real. A human was born out of love. The parents fell in love and wanted to have a family of their own. They went through the pregnancy stage, labor and seeing their child grow through different milestones. All of these are evidence that they used to have a life together. So it's really just not easy to pretend that everything is okay after the separation.
The person who used to share the responsibilities of running the household with you is no longer there. There is no longer anymore interaction except for parenting duties. That person you walked down the aisle with, is no longer your significant other.
Divorce can feel like a failure on one's part. It smells like failing to do something that was supposed to be this way. The shame, guilt, blame and many other feelings it brought about is enough for us to suffocate in insolation. With children, many divorced parents struggle with the guilt. They may know that they have tried to savage the already broken marriage, but at the end of the day when they look at their children and saw how their lives would change after the divorce.... It's a tough pill to swallow and not many could forgive themselves for the "error" that has occurred in the marriage which in turn had caused the family to be split up.
Take time to heal. You're not in a rush to anywhere for anyone. You're single again. You can now focus on yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's not entirely your fault that things don't work out. Sometimes things don't work out so that better things can come.
Go easy on your heart. Take a slow stroll along the memory lanes. Remember the good times and learn from this divorce. Use it as a learning experience to get to know more about yourself and be certain about the deal-breakers that you will not submit to for the next connection should there be one.
I don't know how long it will take for you to recover from this pain. This hurt. It could sting from time to time and it could feel less weighted as time goes by. However, it's a changing point in your life where you can choose to restart over again like a newborn and decide to do the right things that will make your heart rejoice once again.
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