Depression is such a difficult thing to comprehend, especially for the caregivers of people having that mental condition.
It's like the heart and mind screaming "help" yet nothing comes out of the mouth. It's like the mind is flooded and nothing is able to stop its noise.
Depression and work is such a strange combination. Especially when you know that you can't afford to not have a source of income to sustain your family.
The combination of being a single parent + having mental health conditions + financial needs = having suicidal thoughts every now and then.
Every little criticism was taken in personally by the depressed person. Every noise that is normal to others felt like thousands of bees in the ears. Every single moment feels so dark and dreading.
The loss of words and the inability to express oneself is the most dangerous part.
Please really take into consideration that when a depressed loved one tell you that she wants to die... she really meant it. She is sharing with you because she is still battling to stay alive. She is not attention seeking. She is using her last breath of hope to ask for help. The best counter response is to just be with her. Never let go of her, because once you do, it takes a little push from the outside world for her to let go of herself totally into the darkness deep within her - and that's when suicide will happen and you'll finally lose her.
Talking about single parenting is one huge topic that a blog post cannot fully describe about, let alone cupping it with being depressed and also having financial commitments. You have no idea how a depressed single parent with financial difficulties is trying to survive everyday.
Some days she really wants to quit but when she sees her children, she wept. She knows that she needs to recover soon so that they can have a better life. But she couldn't and the feeling of helplessness is having a strong grasp at her. Life is throwing all the difficult moments all at once. She could only cry, let the tears take responsibility of the weight she felt in her heavy heart.
Having depression and having to go to work is another huge milestone to cross. Mix it up with anxiety, you cannot imagine the kind of turmoil that goes on her head everyday.
She knows she has to be okay, yet she knows that she is unstable. Every interview that she goes for, is an arduous task to endure. Just like today, this morning, she could be weeping her eyes out and thinking of dying... but in fifteen minutes time she has a virtual online interview to attend.
If you were her, how would you go about it?
She is so exhausted trying to pretend that she is okay. She is also tired from all the assumptions people kept having towards her. She had enough of their unthoughtful remarks. Each sentence felt like a stinging stab to her chest. Each emotion coming from another person felt like a roaring thunder that's so overwhelming it takes forever to cleanse.
Could you please have mercy on this soul that's trying to live?
Comments