In desperation for answers, I look into books. Though I know that the bible has all that I need to know... I am digging in specifically into this area: Decluttering and also finding out the root causes of this addictive behaviour that I have.
Have you ever read a book and felt comforted because you are no longer the only one facing the same issues?
It's so therapeutic and I want to share with people out there who happen to chance upon my blog.
Some pointers I have learnt from the book:
How to declutter
What causes the addictive behaviour
How to kick off this habit
Shopping ban
Accountability partner
Some thoughts that was well-versed by the author in words
How to declutter? Thinking of this already makes me feel the pain in my head. I remember the times where I had to search through things I do not need / in use just to find that one marker I desperately needed to use right away. That desperation followed by frustration eats me up.
So how to classify things as not-needed anymore?
Clothes I haven't worn in months got to go
If the clothes don't fit right, It got to go
Skinnier clothes got to go
The author explains why we should let go of these misfit clothes in a simple and easy-to-understand way:
"Holding on to the clothes doesn't motivate me to lose more weight. In fact, It has deflated me and stopped me from enjoying my new body".
It's important to stay logical and grounded by asking "what the real me would wear" instead of keep thinking that "this version of me will wear this and look good".
Also, remember to keep track of the clothes or things that has been gotten rid off. This helps in the future deterrence to go back to the cycle of buying unnecessary things.
Some of the reasons for impulsive purchases: free shipping, sales, visioning the "future me" would wear or use them and the list can go on...
The author took her time to share her journey for the one year shopping ban. Sounds crazy, especially for shopaholics like me.
I'm a book worm and it's only recently after reading her book that I realized that I am wasting my resources on books. I bought books and left them there in the shelf without actually reading them till the last page. So, for decluttering of books: 2 simple principals to follow... Unread books - books not wanting to read anymore. Self-help books - books that I do not require help anymore. Ask yourself: "am i going to read this one day?"
It's crucial to keep track of the things that was being kept. This is to remind ourselves to practice gratitude and be thankful for the things we already have. It sort of becomes the "visual" whenever it feels difficult to carry on with the shopping ban and stick to the original plan of not spending unnecessarily.
Some tips from the author: Having a separate savings account and to deposit the money received from selling those decluttered items.
It's only through this book that I realized that my shopaholic behaviour is not normal and has got to do with my unhealthy way of coping with hurts felt in my life.
" I had to feel the discomfort, crave and drink, then push past it and find a new way to handle the situation.
I did not want to feel the pain but even alcohol couldn't stop me from hurting anymore."
The author was an alcoholic, sharing how she abused alcohol to wind down her pain. It was until she couldn't be "healed" or numb by alcohol that she decided it's time to do something different.
She also shared a similar life journey that i'm currently experiencing - impulsive buys.
Like her, I have always thought that buying things would make things better. The toughest part about not able to buy things was that it physically triggers me to confront my triggers to want to buy things and to change my reactions to them.
It wasn't easy trying to pay attention to my triggers and change my reaction to it.
Now I finally understand why I was triggered to go on an impulsive shopping spree during the lock-down period amidst the Covid-19 pandemic.
The author highlighted some prompts when we have the urge to "buy something unnecessary":
Why was I thinking about making a purchase?
that was what I had always done. (old habit of coping with stress and hurt)
Remind myself how much stuff I had gotten rid of and how much I still had at home.
It was enough. I had enough. (going back to the list of things I already own)
2. Be conscious of daily habits.
taking note of spending habits - breaking up with "retail therapy". "Retail therapy" has been normalized by the society as a way to cope with hurts yet it doesn't solve the root cause of the pain we have in our hearts. In modern days, "more" is heavily advertised across all big brands and we just got into the trap of "getting more and more" without considering if we ever need them or are we just concerned about wanting to keep up with the trends.
being conscious about what has actually happened to us in our social life. Triggers like break-ups ( that can also include the end of a friendship ), passing of a loved one, divorce and betrayal.... often has great impacts on our mental well-being and we sometimes unknowingly want to ditch those negative emotions by going back to old routines - just to make ourselves feel better ( at least for that moment ). This only brushes off the dust on the table and doesn't cure the mold that is growing underneath it.
Sometimes, when we are not cautious enough, credit cards can also lead to big tragedy and stress - purchasing items that we actually cannot afford and then leading to the vicious cycle of being in debt, repayment of money owed + interest and so on...
Some quotes and statements from the book:
Vows were just words, actions were what made them commitments.
(source from Pinterest)
I accepted whatever love was given to me, thinking that was as good as it was going to get.
I did not know you felt alone while you were in bed with someone until that moment.
I was not ready to hear the answer, so I did not ask the question.
Actually I believe that all of us have the basic natural instinct or gut feeling that tells us that the person we are with or the circumstances we are in doesn't match what we are looking for... it's just whether or not we are ready to listen to the truth and be able to accept it as it is.
Because that is what happens when things hurt. you try to fix the hurt, and solve every other problem in your life too - even the things that are not really problems at all.
I think this is very relevant to me, especially during the covid-19 lockdown. Suddenly I was very sensitive to my bedroom's decorations and want to fix almost everything that is actually "still okay",
I felt things and I kept living.
The part about this journey of facing the hurts and not diverting your attention to "retail therapy" is that you really get to be emotional and feel everything that was so raw. It's not the best experience ever, yet it's the most rewarding experience after all has been processed through. Living with the pain, trying to move on with life whilst hurting, is a major work in progress. Some people takes months, some takes years - it depends on the impact of the hurt and each individual's response to a change in doing things.
(Image source: https://hackspirit.com/7-unusual-signs-youre-becoming-person-meant/)
Head over to:
to purchase some of the gems that the owner has decided to let go off and to give these items a second chance to shine again! You never know what you can find until you hop over to the link!
A song to share. Peach - IU
May her sweet voice bring comfort to you as you heal.
Till then,
XXX
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