It so easy to run into the spiral of disbelief and millions of questions asking God when is it my turn...
When all we should have done was to trust in the God that knows everything.
It was a vivid dream that spurred me to make amendments to a decision.
The world views everything in the opposite as God's views. It can be quite daunting to not follow the crowd but His word. It can be lonely to make the right decisions and not the popular ones. Cause all and foremost right decisions are usually toughest to make, also particularly quite unpopular with the crowd.
I don't know but the peer pressure still has its effects on me at times. I still am affected by how people view me based on the choices or steps I have chosen. It's ironic, one part of me strives to live for God but the other part of the fleshly "me" wants my own way so that I get accepted by other "flesh". When are we going to stop wanting to gain people's approval but to only seek His approval? When will we be able to reciprocate that kind of unconditional love for God that He has for us?
Sometimes we want our ways so much that we decided to forgo what He had told us to do. Then when things went south, we ran back to Him asking for help and forgiveness. So many countless times He was there for us, without any conditions. Why then, are we not able to embrace the tough times He had placed us in so that He could strengthen us?
A recent sermon I have attended in Church mentioned about the "Courage" we need to choose everyday. In Hebrews, "Courage" is "amets" - which meant to strengthen, to be strong, to take courage and to be courageous. It is not a secret anymore, that we do not have what it takes to take on the hustles of life, without God's grace and tender mercies.
I hate to bow down to difficult trials, I hate to succumb to failures... It got to do with my need to be able to overcome challenges so that I will "be known as a good child in the eyes of my asian parents" since a child. It's not exactly their fault that we were all raised in the "tiger way". They were brought up the same way and have those "stripes" that served as ways to cope when they were kids. I reckon the connection between one's childhood and his or her parenting style has a big correlation.
It's not weird to see parents who have been brought up in an environment that was hostile and neglectful to lack in the ability to comprehend when his child wasn't able to achieve certain milestones in school. There was a need for the parent to strive in many areas of his life so that he could "shine bright enough for the parents at home to notice him and tell him how worthy he is because of his achievements".
It's not uncommon that we had to live beyond these lies. And I believe that only perfect love can cast out fear. After living on the Earth for nearly 3 decades, I realized that there was this one God and one Love that was so unconditional. I need not have to achieve whatever milestones, nothing will stop Him from loving me continuously. Even when I spoke to Him about how terrible my past was, or those ugly things I have done to myself (Self-destructive behaviour is quite common in adults nowadays in terms of lacking the ability to identify that our inner child still believes the lie - that we are not worthy of love)
It's weird that what God has designed to be a natural common sense thing get twigged around all these while as the father of lies ran the show on Earth.
Some of the lies he had put out into the modern society:
1. I am not deserving of love.
2. I must achieve something so that I am worthy of being loved.
3. Pre-marital sex is fine.
4. Masturbation and pornography is normal.
5. It's okay to cheat on my partner.
6. It's alright to have multiple lovers.
7. It's instinctual to shoot someone down to defend myself.
8. I can do anything I want as long as I don't get caught in the act.
9. People do not need to know that I'm not the same at the BTS.
10. Abortion is fine.
11. I am not killing anyone when I decide to terminate my pregnancy because this is my freedom.
12. I rule my life and nobody can judge me.
13. I am the master of my life and I can choose the gender I want to be.
14. It's okay that I am in love with the same gender.
I was shocked when I saw people normalizing about gays, lesbians and all those transgender topics. It's as common as the type of fish you prefer to eat or how cooked would you want your steak to be.
What has the world slowly evolved into under the "blinds" that the father of lies had placed before us. Why did we actually grow accustomed to what's not normal? How come we are trying to be "inclusive" when those are just not His plans for us? Why are all the distorted truths set out as the freedom to choose? How come we are not rooting for our God who is the way, the truth and the life?
Speaking from experience, I really did not thought that premarital sex was wrong and a sin before marriage. (which explains my special circumstances)
The culture that I was living in, the love soaps I was watching and the kind of "ideal relationship" that was displayed in the screens and social media had impacted the way I see love and relationship. It only dawned to me that what I was following all along was not God's plans for me. I felt shameful that I did not live up to what He had for us in mind - the sexual union that was only intended to be kept within the grounds of marriage. Well I could explain myself about my ignorance - I wasn't a believer back then and most of my ideas about love came from the worldly dramas... which mostly were just the lies that tricked me into thinking that love is lust. I was tricked into the whole cycle of believing that love and marriage is a fairytale. But truly, it wasn't the case when I stepped into mine a decade ago.
Marriage wasn't that dreamy and it wasn't the fairyland I was hoping to wake up to everyday. It was then I realized that I was deceived by the father of lies. But it was all too late... and it spiraled into something bigger which couldn't be put to a stop.
So when I experienced the Word and saw the vision He had for me, I decided that it's time for me to step away from the norms I was regulated to and to let Him take control. I have faith in the Lord who loves me more than I love myself. So this time round, I decided to let myself die to my old self just to reciprocate His love for me. It's also a brilliant timing to start loving myself more, in ways He has been loving me. I praise Him Lord, for the dream I had that day. Thank you Lord for reminding me of Your goodness and promises. I trust that in your timing, all those visions shall then be brought before my eyes. I would rather not have those desires met just to be happy for a brief moment. What I want is something long lasting, something that is glorifying to You Lord. I want to live my life Your way. I want to start anew. I am beginning to see a new revival. It's coming soon.
Your promises, are on its way to me and I can feel it.
So to all the readers out there, take courage. Have faith in this mighty God who loves you so much before you even know Him. He wants nothing but the best for you. I pray and wish that one day you can open up your heart to embrace the love He has for you. That kind of love is big enough to move you to tears - to break all the strongholds that has been keeping you in bondages. Trust me, God's way is really better than our ways. Only when we decide to take that leap of faith, to trust in Him and Him alone.
Comentarios