I wished I could forget how the words pierced my heart as I heard them flowing out of your mouth and I wished I could erase the memory off my brain so that I would not remember how painful my knees were aching as tears dropped down my cheeks.
The fact that it could be so detrimental meant so much. When you trust someone enough but that trust is shed into pieces due to their behavior deficits... it's so hard to trust them again.
Yes, forgiving and forgetting are wise words for us to apply to our lives especially when we faced betrayal of trust from our loved ones. The actual act of doing it requires lots of wisdom and knowledge. It's easy to say things and it's difficult to put them into actions.
Right now following the episodes of disastrous betrayal of trust, I have discovered that I have become more reserved to the topic of trust. Do I love them? Yes I do. Do I trust them? Not entirely, past experiences have me more guarded towards people in my life. Loving and trusting them can be two separate matters.
As I gained better understanding on how loving and trusting people do not have to co-exist, it saves me so much of a hassle and decrease the number of times I had to pick myself up again from the heartaches. It's the knowledge gained through these experiences that helped me to feel less helpless.
I used to be afraid of being let down by people I love. Now that I have seen how much love God can pour into me and how omnipresent He has been all these years... His never-changing love and faithfulness kept me going despite being hurt by the people I loved deeply. If God, the creator of the universe loves me and grants me favor... and if He could reassure me that everything is going to be okay, then I have no qualms about thriving through these trials. Honestly speaking, although those experiences were undoubtedly annoying, I wouldn't want to go through life without them.
I felt more empowered ever since I had been through those ugly times with some of the closest people in my life. As it helped me to re-evaluate the importance of loving oneself and having faith in oneself even after betrayals. Sometimes betrayals will cause us to question ourselves, our self-worth and value. However once we can come out from the tunnel of self-defeating thoughts, there comes a rainbow. A light that is shone into our hearts that motivates us to recover from the episode of heartbreaks and put on the armor of God - the never changing constant Holy One who never ever let us down.
It's such a timely reminder that our time here in this world is not our final destination and eventually returning to God is our destination.
I can still love people relentlessly, with the wisdom to guard my heart. "Love people and have faith in the Lord."
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